On Dealing.

I hate talking about this, so bear with me for a minute.. Friday, march 21, 2008. It was the last weekday of spring break, and it was also my best friend Olivia's birthday. For her birthday, me, Meagan, Hannah, and Lyndsey were going over to her house to celebrate. The schedule for the night was to go out to eat, then hit the Galleria Mall, and then go back to Olivia's house to spend the night. At 4:30, I was the only one at olivia's house. We had to go pick up Meagan on the way to the resturaunt, and Hannah couldn't come because of a death in the family. We had assumed that Lyndsey was coming, because before school got out she told us that she was coming back from vacation that day and would be there, even if she was a little late she would still come hang out with us. So me and Olivia drove over to meagan's house, picked her up, and headed over to T.G.I Fridays where we met our friend Sirgeo and sat down to eat. We figured Lyndsey would show up later or call us and meet us at the mall or somewhere. We bagan eating and joking around and you know, doing stupid shit that you do when you're out in public with your friends on a special day-or any day if you're anything like us- and just had a kickass time. We ordered our food and were halfway done eating when Olivia's mom's phone went off and meagan answered because it was her mom. She stepped outside and came back in a couple minutes later, but something was wrong, we could tell. "Ms. Crystal, she wants to talk to you," Meagan said as she handed the phone back to Olivia's mom. Her mom stepped out of the resturaunt and meagan sat back down at the table. Oh God, I remember her eyes seeming so distant, and her face just so offset. Of course, me and Olivia wanted to know what was up, so we kept asking her and when she wouldn't tell us, we started guessing. Turns out it wasn't her boyfriend Chris that made her look so out of it; her dogs were fin; as was her mother; so what was wrong? me and olivia just kept playfully laughing and guessing. "C'mon, tell us!" I said. "No, I wasn't supposed to hear, she thought I was Ms. Crystal..but I can't tell you.." she said. "Oh come on!" I shouted. "If Ms. Crystal doesn't tell you when she comes back, I will." And i was just so confused, "Umm..okay?" was all I could say. Nedless to say Olivia's mom came back and pulled me, meagan, olivia, and sergio outside. She sounded like she was about to start crying, and I knew nothing good could come from this conference. "Girls, your friend Lyndsey isn't here tonight because..well..she died earlier today" I couldn't hear anything else. The tears started to pour out, and I just stood there, numb, motionless, weakened. I felt them grab around me and all start hugging me. I couldn't believe that she was gone..it couldn't be true..could it? Unfortunately, it was all true. She, her sister Stephanie and friends Joel and Zach all died in a car crash on I-459 [ a road that I have to drive almost everyday..] on their way to go horseback riding. She was supposed to come over after they got done with that. But she won't come over. She never will. It was the worst news Ive ever heard, and I still expect for her to call or jump on my back or run up hugging me. God i miss her. You don't even know how hard it is to write this right now..
But..it's okay..she's with her sister now. And it's taken me 2 whole months to accept this, but I finally have. Even though I miss her like crazy, I can't have her back.
Lyndsey Leigh Baker..you will always be my lesbian lover. lol I love you babe and miss you forever. But I'll always remember all the fun times we've had at 6 Flags or in our box or just at school. haha Like that time we told those guys that we were lesbians and they stalked us for like a week. lolololololololol God I miss you. :]



This is how I deal.